


Taking It To Heart

by Avrilsky



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I'm Sorry, Like so much angst, Nicole cries, Tumblr Prompt, and needs a hug, some fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 21:03:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avrilsky/pseuds/Avrilsky
Summary: After her run in with Goononna, Nicole questions her relationship with Waverly.





	Taking It To Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is brought to you by this prompt: Wayhaught prompt for Nicole listening to what Goononna told her about Waverly and actually doing it like giving Waverly space and making sure Waves knows that she doesn't want her to be anything but herself.
> 
> Please feel free to send me more prompts. I enjoy writing outside of From Afar. http://avrilsky.tumblr.com/ask
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.

It started with an innocent question. Nothing more than Nicole wanting to make sure her girlfriend was okay, was safe, was  _ herself _ .

Waverly hasn’t been acting like herself in the past seven weeks and Nicole was worried. More than worried, she was scared, not that she’d ever admit it out loud but she was.

Scared of the reason that Waverly acted so cruel, so dismissive, so much like Willa towards her at times. Scared that maybe it had something to do with her. Scared that the Waverly she loved, the quirkiness she was first drawn to was gone, replaced with something, someone hard and just plain cruel.

“Hey, did Waves pop in without me seeing or?” Nicole asked, looking up at Wynonna, who was digging into her bra.

Nicole refrained from rolling her eyes. Sometimes the eldest Earp had no shame.

“She’s home, sick.”

“Really? Uh, cause I spoke to her last night and she sounded fine.”

Waverly had sounded more than fine. She had been her usual, happy, bubbly self and Nicole had basked in it. Tried to soak every ounce of the moment she could because she wasn’t sure when Waverly’s mood would flip on a dime again.

Wynonna did a little spin and hair flip, planting herself on the desk Nicole was working from, a smirk on her face, her eyes narrowed just the tiniest bit. “She’s a good faker, or hadn’t you noticed?”

Nicole ignored her comment and stood up from where she was leaning on the desk. “It’s just I left three messages, did she get them or?”

“Three unreturned messages.” Wynonna moved from the desk as well, doing another little spin and placing her palms on the desk, leaning towards her. “Waverly needs  _ space. _ She’s dying under the weight of your expectations.”

Nicole stared down at the marker in her hands, brows drawn together. She swallowed thickly, trying to push down the hurt, the guilt that she might actually be suffocating Waverly. Dread set in her gut, twisting this way and that, making her feel like she’ll puke at any second.

She could feel the onset of tears coming, the tightening of her throat, moisture welling in the corner of her eyes, her breath coming in short pants.

The last thing she ever wanted to do was crowd Waverly, make her think she expected something from her, expected her to be something, someone she’s not.

All she ever wanted for Waverly was for her to be happy, to be herself.

She remembered their conversation in her squad car what felt like a lifetime ago.

_ “God, Waverly. I’d never ask you to be something you’re not.” _

She meant every single word. She still meant every word. Did Waverly know that? Had Waverly believed her when she said it?

Was Waverly actually dying under the weight of her expectations? Expectations that she didn’t even have.

Everything they were, everything they did had always been at Waverly’s pace. She had been following Waverly’s lead since the moment they met. Never pushing Waverly to be someone she’s not. Never pushing her or pressuring her into something she didn’t want.

“Waverly’s not the white picket fence in Purgatory girl you want her to be anymore.”

Nicole didn’t want her to be anyone else, didn’t want Waverly to be some  _ ‘white picket fence in Purgatory girl’ _ . She just wanted her no matter who she was, right?

Maybe that wasn’t completely true because she wanted  _ her _ Waverly back. The Waverly she fell in love with. That dorky, rambling ray of sunshine that had been absent for the past seven weeks.

And maybe that was why Wynonna’s words hurt so much, cut so deep because she did have expectations.

She expected Waverly to be the same person she was before the winter solstice, to still be the person that she fell for and that was unfair to Waverly.

People change, they grow and if she couldn’t accept that, if she couldn’t accept that maybe everything Waverly had been through the past few months has and was going to change her then maybe she wasn’t right for Waverly.

The thought that she might not be right for Waverly shattered her heart in her chest.

If she wasn’t right for Waverly then she wouldn’t hold Waverly back, wouldn’t stand in her way of finding the person who was. No matter how much she loved Waverly, she’d let her go if it was the right thing for her, even if it destroyed her.

“You know Wynonna, you’re really mean when you drink before noon,” Nicole said, unable to keep her voice from cracking, to keep the sound of tears out of her voice. “And you drink before noon too often.”

With that Nicole walked out of the room, needing a moment to collect herself, to break down in private.

“Hope you tinder game is solid,” Wynonna called out before she was out of earshot.

Nicole balled her hands into fist, nails digging into her palms as she fought to keep the tears at bay.

It started with an innocent question and now, Nicole was questioning everything about hers and Waverly’s relationship. Now she was questioning if she and Waverly were meant to be together, if she should step back and let Waverly go.

* * *

She tried to stay away, to give Waverly the space she needed but with the storm looming closer with each passing second, her worry grew until she couldn’t stand it anymore.

She just needed to see Waverly, make sure she was okay and had everything she needed to ride out the storm then she’d leave and wait until Waverly came to her.

There were no lights on in the Homestead when she walked up the porch steps. There were no sounds, no signs of life coming from inside when she knocked on the front door, resisting the urge to pull her pistol from it’s holster.

No Revenants could get onto the Homestead but that didn’t stop the feeling churning in her gut of something being wrong.

She knocked on the door again, harder this time and listening for sounds of movement on the other side.

She waited another minute before trying the door handle, ignoring Wynonna’s voice in her head telling her Waverly needed space.

“Waves!” She called out, fumbling for the light switch on the wall just inside the door. “You here?”

A yellowish glow illuminated the front entry of the Homestead. Broken glass and splintered wood littered the floor in front of her and she quickly unholster her pistol, moving through the mess on the floor with slow, sure steps as she swept the area in front of her with her pistol.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she cleared the first floor, finding more broken furniture and signs of a struggle as she went.

The worry she felt for Waverly doubled, tripled with each room she found empty. Was this why Waverly hadn’t been answering her calls? Had something happened to her? Was she hurt? In danger?

Nicole moved to the stairs, peering up them and straining her ears for in noise before she took the stairs two at a time, moving as quickly and quietly as she could, hoping to find Waverly up there, safe and okay.

When her search of the Homestead came up empty with absolutely no signs of Waverly, she holstered her pistol and pulled her phone out, dialing Waverly’s number as she made her way out of the house and towards the barn.

“Come on, Waves, pick up. Please, pick up.”

Nicole tightened her grip on her phone when it went straight to voicemail. She debated calling Wynonna but decided against it.

_ Waverly needs space. She’s dying under the weight of your expectations. _

Nicole gritted her teeth and ignored Wynonna’s voice in her head, shoving the barn door open and stopping in her tracks when she saw some weird ass tower built from various metal objects.

“What the fuck,” she breathed out, circling around the tower, examining it but not touching it.

With the impending thunder, snowstorm this thing was a hazard. Surely the Earp had to know this, so that begs the question. Why build it?

The door to the barn opened and Waverly walked in, slamming it behind her.

Relief filled Nicole’s chest as she took in her girlfriend, looking no worse for wear. That relief was short lived as Waverly turned towards her.

“Oh right,” Waverly looked at her with annoyance and she tried not to let it bother her, tried not to let it hurt. “ _ You. _ ”

She tried and failed. Waverly’s tone, the look in her eyes cut at Nicole’s heart like a knife.

Maybe Wynonna had been right. Maybe Waverly did want space. Maybe Waverly didn’t want this, her, them anymore.

“Look, I know you need space, and I really tried to stay away but, I got worried, and there’s signs of a struggle in the house. And Waverly, what the hell is this thing?” Nicole asked, grabbing a cocktail shaker from the tower.

“Stop! Stop!” Waverly moved towards her, voice hard and eyes narrowed.

“What?” Nicole asked, dropping the shaker and holding her hands up as Waverly started putting the objects back into place.

“Are you kidding? There is a thunder snowstorm coming and this thing is going to attract lightning like crazy, the whole barn could go up in flames.”

Waverly gasped, hand coming up to cover her mouth and Nicole moved towards her, forgetting the way Waverly looked at her moments ago and pushing Wynonna’s words out of her head for the time being.

“Baby.” She pulled Waverly to her chest, wrapping her arms around her and holding her. “Baby, what is it?”

“It’s Wynonna. She possessed. Like, ‘Demon took over her body, planning to kill us all’ possessed.”

A part of Nicole hoped that Wynonna being possessed by a demon meant that the things she said to her earlier wasn’t actually her but the demon talking.

Then came the realization that if the Earp Heir, the only person able to wield Peacemaker was possessed by a demon then how the hell were they going to stop it, stop her.

Nicole pushed Waverly back a couple of steps to look over her once more. “Did she hurt you?”

“Yeah,” Waverly’s voice cracked and Nicole’s heart broke at the sound.

“Where is she? On the Homestead?” Nicole asked, looking past Waverly towards the barn door.

“Yeah,” Waverly mumbled with a nod of her head.

Nicole wouldn’t allow that demon or Wynonna or anyone for that matter hurt Waverly. She’d keep her safe no matter what.

“I’ve got you now, okay?” Nicole said, drawing her gun from it’s holster and pushing Waverly behind her. “I swear I got you.”

Nicole aimed her pistol at the barn door, clicking the safety off and finger resting against the slide. She didn’t want to shoot Wynonna, demon or no demon. She liked Wynonna and some days she was sure they were well on their way to being friends, real friends but she would shoot her if she had to.

The barn door opened again and this time Wynonna stepped through the door, a flask in one hand. “Step away from the lightning rod.”

“Stand back Wynonna. Waverly told me everything and if you come forward and I’m,” Nicole’s grip tightened on the her gun, her free hand pressed firmly against Waverly’s stomach, keeping her back. “I’ll shoot.”

Her voice shook as she said the words, her hand trembled just the tiniest bit.

She’s never shot anyone before and even though she would shoot anyone or anything to keep Waverly safe, she was still hesitant. Maybe it was because it was Wynonna. Because even though there was a demon in her, deep down she was still Wynonna, still her friend, still Waverly’s sister.

“Haught, settle down,” Wynonna stepped forward, flask out in front of her, index finger pointed at them. “The demon jumped into Waverly, she needs to drink this, now.”

“Don’t trust her,” Waverly said from behind her and Nicole could feel her eyes on the back of her head.

“A flask, the demon did it’s homework,” Nicole tilted her head to the side, a brief humorless smirk gracing her features.

“Nicole! You are not my sister’s keeper.”

“That’s the demon talking.”

“No, it’s me.” Wynonna held her hands out in front of her. “Listen, I’ll admit, you’re a little queen brisk of bossing town for my taste but, I know you love her,” Wynonna’s face softened. “And you know I love her too and now that thing is trying to keep her.”

“Shoot her, it’s the only way.”

Those words coming out of Waverly’s mouth sounded foreign, alien. They sounded  _ wrong _ . Her Waverly would never tell her or anyone for that matter to shoot Wynonna, to shoot the only family she had left. Her Waverly would find some other way to free Wynonna of the demon.

“Waverly Earp would never say something like that.” Nicole lowered her gun, her shoulders slumping as she turned to Waverly. “Never.”

Waverly’s hazel eyes turned completely black as she glared at her and Nicole’s heart stopped beating, her breath stilled in her lungs. The hatred she seen when Waverly first walked into the barn was back.

Her Waverly was gone, replaced by some demon and Nicole prayed that whatever Wynonna had in that flask would save her, bring her back.

The demon scoffed, Waverly’s voice distorted and no longer the thing Nicole yearn to hear every day. “You’re weak.”

“Oh Waverly, let her help you.”

It was a soft plead as Nicole reached out to touch her face but before her fingers could make contact with Waverly’s cheek, the demon let out a growl and the next thing Nicole knew she’s being tossed across the barn, slamming her head against the metal lip of the partially covered wheel barrel.

* * *

The deafening sound of a gunshot in the small enclosed space of the barn rung our and brought Nicole to.

Ignoring the pain in her head, Nicole scrambled to Waverly's side, pulling her into her lap gently as possible. “Oh, Waverly.”

“Whoa,” Waverly breathed. “That was so New Years 2012.”

Nicole gave a small chuckle, eyes brimming with tears and blurring her vision.

“I can’t believe I ordered you to shoot her.”

“I almost did it too,” she confessed, looking into Waverly’s hazel eyes, relieved to find no remnants of black. “I would shoot anybody for you.”

Waverly smiled. A real Waverly Earp smile that always made Nicole’s heart race, that same smile Nicole had fallen in love with.

“That’s really sweet.” Waverly tucked some red locks behind her ear and cupped her cheek and Nicole couldn’t help but to nuzzle into her touch, on the verge of crying once more.

The gentleness that Waverly touched her with had been rare, almost nonexistent in the past few weeks.

How long was Waverly possessed? How hadn't she noticed? And why in the fuck didn't anyone think to tell her? To give her a heads up?

She could have helped them. Could have helped Waverly. She could be so much more than a local flatfoot if they would just give her the chance, if they would put even half the faith in her that Nedley had.

Waverly's hand glided across her cheek around to the back of her neck, where she grasped gently, fingers tangling into the fine hairs there.

Wynonna’s words from earlier were still playing in the back of her mind but she drowned them out as Waverly drew her in for a soft kiss.

Then in true Wynonna fashion, she interrupted them by clearing her throat from somewhere behind them. “Come on, let’s get her in the house.”

“Thank you for saving our girl,” Nicole said softly, her eyes on Waverly.

Waverly gave her another sweet smile, fingers combing through her hair.

Nicole closed her eyes, basking in Waverly’s touch. She didn’t realize till then how starved she was for Waverly’s touch, her kiss.

“That thing took Willa. Wasn’t letting it get Waverly.”

“I knew you’d rescue me,” Waverly said looking up at her sister and jealousy and sadness washed over Nicole.

Waverly didn’t think she’d save her.

“All I did was bring a flask.” Wynonna shrugged as they helped Waverly to her feet. “It’s just standard Earp operating procedure.”

“Yeah. You said some pretty nasty things,” Nicole mumbled, allowing Wynonna to take all of Waverly’s weight.

“Well, that was the demon talking. Don’t believe all of it.”

Nicole stopped in her tracks, blood running cold and her heart dropping into the pit of her stomach. Bile rising up her throat.

Wynonna’s words repeating over and over again.  _ Waverly needs space. She’s dying under the weight of your expectations. _

Which part hadn’t Wynonna meant? And did it really matter? It was bad either way, wasn’t it?

“Wait, what do you mean all of it?”

* * *

_ Waverly needs space. She’s dying under the weight of your expectations. _

Hours later Wynonna’s words still played in Nicole’s head on a loop as she laid in bed with Waverly. Not too close, giving Waverly as much space as possible. Waverly was in the middle of the bed and Nicole, she was practically hanging off of the edge.

She wasn’t going to stay, not a first. She was going to give Waverly her space, go back to her apartment and curl up in bed with her cat and stress over Wynonna’s words, questioning her relationship with Waverly but Waverly asked her to stay and she couldn’t say no.

Nicole looked over at Waverly, buried under four blankets and sleeping soundly.

She wanted to reach out and touch Waverly, caress her cheek. Lay a gentle kiss to her forehead, her cheeks, her lips but she refrained from doing so, unsure if her kiss, her touch was wanted.

Since they started dating, Nicole never once questioned whether her touch or kiss was welcomed, wanted. And now, after one conversation with Wynonna, demon or no demon, she was suddenly questioning everything and it was tearing her up inside.

Waverly rolled over, hand reaching out to her side of the bed and whimpering softly when she came up empty.

“Nic,” Waverly said, voice thick with sleep as she lifted her head.

“I’m here,” Nicole whispered, sliding her hand across the bed and letting her fingers brush Waverly’s.

“Why are you so far away?” Waverly whined, tangling her fingers with Nicole’s and tugging lightly.

After a few seconds of internal debate, Nicole shifted closure to Waverly, allowing Waverly to snuggle into her side and lay her head on her chest.

“Much better,” Waverly sighed contently, her breathing already starting to even out.

Nicole wanted to let her sleep. God, she deserved to sleep after everything she’s been through but Nicole needed her to know that she didn’t expect anything from her, didn’t want her to be anyone but herself, that she would give Waverly whatever space she wanted, she needed.

“Waverly,” Nicole whispered, swallowing hard and pushing forward despite the fact that she was scared of what Waverly’s reaction might be.

She would without a doubt give Waverly space if she wanted it but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt her, wouldn’t destroy her.

“You know I’d never ask you be something, someone you’re not, right?” Nicole asked, her fingers absentmindedly tracing up and down Waverly’s spine. “You know that you’re in control here, right? That if you wanted a break or space or whatever, I’d give it to you.”

Waverly sat up staring down at her while she rubbed at one of her eyes. “Of course I know that, Nicole. Where is this coming from, baby?”

Nicole sat up as well, leaning against the pillowed headboard and looking down at her hands in her lap. “Wynonna said some things when the demon was in her and I don’t know if it was the demon or her.”

Waverly’s hand on was her cheek, thumb brushing along the skin there and Nicole nuzzled into it without much thought.

“What kind of things?”

“That you needed space and you’re dying under the weight of my expectations,” Nicole said, grasping Waverly’s wrist gently, tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t expect anything from you Waverly. I don’t want you to be someone you’re not. I just want you and everything you already are, everything you’ll be in the future.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks and Waverly was quick to wipe them away, leaning forward and kissing the top of her head.

“I know that, baby. It’s one of the many things I love about you,” Waverly drew in a shaky breath. “I love you, Nicole.”

Nicole’s tears came faster at Waverly’s confession and she pressed their foreheads together. “I love you too, Waverly. I have for awhile now.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Waverly whispered, running her fingers through Nicole’s hair and kissing her softly.


End file.
